Wednesday, February 18, 2015

To my unborn little girl

I've been trying to think of how I'm going to explain my depression and anxiety to you. There will be days when I am sad for no reason and I know that being a child you'll likely think that it's because of something you've done, or not done. And it's highly possible that you'll receive a genetic tendency towards these issues too so I want to explain something that it has taken me my entire life to figure out.

Hopefully by now we've talked about all of the wonderful strengths and talents that Heavenly Father has given us. Everyone that has been born has them. We talk a lot about them at church. For example, God has given me a great strength in interacting with children and taking care of people. He has given Daddy the talent of problem solving and a great strength in organizing and planning. I'm not sure what your strengths are but we'll discover them together.

What we don't often mention when we talk about God-given strengths are the God-given weaknesses that go with them. I have clinical depression and anxiety. That means that sometimes I just get sad for no reason. I've had it since childhood but didn't recognize it/ it became noticeable in high school. I felt broken somehow. Why when my life is so great and wonderful am I so sad? Something must be terribly wrong with me. I  prayed so hard and so often for help in coping with this overwhelming sadness that I created a strong relationship with my Savior Jesus Christ. Jesus loved me even though I was broken. Here is the big lesson I've finally learned, I am not broken. I am exactly the way that Heavenly Father created me to be. I have been given this particular weakness on purpose. It is not a personal failing. It is not caused by anything I have done. It is just a part of me, like my freckles and blue eyes. It is a gift from God to me, an opportunity to learn and grow the way that I need to. So please, my sweet girl, just give me hug when I'm sad. Sing me song, remind me that my weakness is gift from the Divine and therefore will always merit divine help.

If someday you feel sad for no reason, or experience something else that feels out of your control, remember that God gives us both strengths AND weaknesses. So when you are feeling weak, remember that you are supposed to feel that way sometimes but also remember that you are strong. Remember that with Heavenly Father and Jesus beside you, you are strong enough to conquer anything.